A Look At How Mom Guilt Impacts Your Spending
Cleveland Clinic describes mom guilt “as a name given to the feelings of guilt and shame some people feel when they don’t live up to their own or others’ expectations in their role as a parent. It’s like an internal dialogue that tells you you’re failing as a caregiver.”
Studies indicate that 78-94% of moms feel “mom guilt.” Is this you?
Perhaps you have been consumed by images on social media by your peers or other influencers portraying seemingly perfect parenting. Perhaps your sister-in-law’s house is always clean when you go there. Or maybe the moms on the TV shows you watch seem way more patient than you.
The pressures in life are heavy. They were heavy before we were flooded with social media and marketing images; now it’s like we moms just don’t stand a chance to feel like we’re doing a good job. Even if we have that feeling for a minute, we hop on social media, and the wind is taken out of our sails because someone else seems to be doing it better.
Spending money on our children can temporarily provide relief from feeling like we are not doing enough or being there for our children (a.k.a. mom guilt). This is because shopping activates dopamine receptors.
The problem with shopping is that intense feelings of guilt or dissatisfaction may arise shortly after, resulting in the need to shop again to replicate the good feelings.
In coaching, Joel and I regularly hear moms describe overspending caused by feelings of “mom guilt.” Many moms want to give their kids things and experiences as a reaction or response to their feelings of not being good enough.
Spending to cope with or manage mom guilt causes a cycle that can risk your financial security.
In their adult years, your children won’t remember the toys, trips, or clothes you bought them. They will reflect fondly on the small moments you shared with them, the warm hugs when they got home from school, the quality time you spent with them, and the lessons (even hard ones) you taught them.
Do yourself a favour, think ahead to when your child is 25, 35, or 45 years old. What do you want them to remember from when they were a child? What fond memories do you want them to have? Does it include stuff? Or does it include intangible things like love and time spent together?
Let your desires for their childhood memories direct how you overcome mom guilt, not the images on your friend’s social feed, the marketing campaigns you see, or a comparison in any way to how someone else is parenting.
If mom (or dad) guilt is something you experience and it causes you to overspend, here are some things you can do:
Get on a budget. A budget keeps you from overspending and frees you to spend on your children with intentionality. All spending on our children isn’t awful, but you should put a limit on how much you will spend on your child each month to prevent yourself from overspending. Download our FREE Simple Starter Budget .
Talk to your child. Find out what they need and want from you. Your child might be craving some one-on-one time or physical touch. Cuddling on the couch while watching a movie might be all they need or want from you.
Take a break from social media. We’re often comparing our worst moments to someone else’s best moments. If you find yourself doing this, it might be time to get off socials.
Take care of yourself. To be healthy for our kids, we must take care of ourselves first. Take some time regularly to rest, stay active, and have fun.
If you’re living paycheck-to-paycheck or overspending each month and want to build more peace and structure into your finances, find out about our 1:1 coaching program or how to join membership!